Our pondering thought for today .. is that it is rarely fulfilling to put others first therefore it is best to first love yourself.
When we put others before ourselves whether it be in family, business or amongst friends we are stating to ourselves ‘We are not worthy’. It is one of the most common core wounds that we carry.
As mentioned in previous blogs we have all heard the air-hostess tell us ..“Please put on your own oxygen mask first, before assisting others”.
Loving Your-Self in Relationships
Whilst teaching ‘Values’ the topic of putting others first is generally discussed at length. Once I forgot to tell the group to create their Values from a selfish point of view.
For many women in particular I see a trend where they look after others and put themselves last on the priorities. On this particular day I stated at the end of the exercise that the Values should be lovingly selfish and explained why.
On that note, one woman, Amy, realized with shock that she had done her values to please what her husband would expect/want of her and didn’t do them for herself. She immediately restarted the exercise and felt more connected with herself after considering her own needs. It was an eye opener for her as to how she was living her life.
Loving Your-Self With Kids
I talk to many parents with kids who put their kids before their own needs without realizing sometimes there could be a better balance for everyone. Lets take Noah’s Story for example.
Noah’s story: We all know kids can take up a lot of people’s time with most or all of the focus going to the kids. I worked with a client this summer who was initially frustrated that his own life and business was not getting any attention as he was the primary carer for his kids during the summer holidays.
So going with the same mantra ‘you have to put on your own oxygen mask first BEFORE helping others’ we changed some of his daily routine.
- Firstly, we set about adding in some exercise into the daily schedule to help release some of the frustration. Firstly the client took his kids swimming and he managed to get in 5 laps the first day, and before the end of the week he had achieve a whooping 40 lengths in one session, felt amazing and had a wonderful sense of achievement!!.
- Then I suggested he teach his daughter yoga one day, and then she would teach him the second day and so on and so forth. When he called later that week his daughter was enjoying all of this immensely, and had taught a full one-hour session of yoga with him which was very challenging considering how bendy kids are!.
- Next I wanted him to do a vision/drawing exercise and get the kids involved whether it be to outline the letters for LOVE and get the daughter to color them in, or to do her own vision board.
- The bond between them had grown, the frustration significantly reduced, and the kids did no longer needed to be entertained as the new entertainment of also doing what daddy wanted was working successfully and happily for everyone.
Loving Your-Self At Work
This even happens in the workplace. We tend to put the demands of the boss before our own needs. We tend to not listen inwards and speak up for the part of us that needs a lunch break, or wants to leave on time to go to a yoga class or whatever other events are going on in our daily lives. We tend to take on the extra work even though our ‘BE’ing’ is screaming at us.
When we put ourselves first, we are loving towards ourselves.
When we are loving towards ourselves, we take care of our needs and wants
When we taking care of our own needs and wants, our family and friends don’t have to worry about us(and everyone keeps the energy for their own benefit).
When our family and friends don’t have to worry about us, they will start to put themselves first.
Please ponder this message throughout your day.
My mission is to help empower people to be the best versions of themselves.
Please take care of you …. first!
Have a wonderful day.
If you would like to share your thoughts on this blog I would love to hear from you.
“If you want to soar in life, you first must learn how to F.L.Y.(First Love Yourself) – Mark Sterling